Plenty of old stereotypes exist about fading sparks or the fire going out on a couple’s sex life. If you’ve been with the same partner for a long time, you may relate to those adages.
Luckily, relationships get more comfortable over time. But they can also get much busier and more stressful. Especially if you both have careers, busy lives outside of work, and kids or beloved pets.
Just because your sex life has dimmed, it doesn’t mean your relationship has to go south. You can heat-up your sex life and reignite that spark with your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Let’s take a look at a few ways to heat it up, so you can feel closer than ever to your partner in the bedroom (and beyond!).
1. Dress To Impress
When you get more comfortable in a relationship or marriage, you might not always put your best foot forward when it comes to how you look. This is part of what I call the roommate rut.
While you don’t need to make each night a big production, try ditching your baggy sweats and t-shirt once in a while for something a little more enticing.
It’s amazing how something simple and visual can make a big difference in your sex life. Plus, it lets your partner know immediately what’s on your mind.
2. Turn Your Bedroom Into An Intimate Space
Do you or your partner frequently bring work to bed? Do you have books or laptops on your nightstand? Maybe you even have your kids’ toys, sippy cups, or DVDs scattered across the room.
Do you want a better sex life? Then make a point to keep your bedroom more of a special, intimate space for you and your partner.
Tidy up. Put away the laptop. Turn off the TV, and turn on some romantic tunes. And light a couple of candles.
By creating an atmosphere of intimacy, you’re less likely to get distracted and more likely to get in the mood.
3. Pencil It In
There are conflicting opinions about scheduling time for sex. But for exceedingly busy people, it works!
And believe me, scheduling sex doesn’t mean your relationship is on the rocks. Nor does it mean that your sex life has to be boring.
Think of fun ways to schedule sex that you can both look forward to.
Jot it down in your partner’s calendar with a personal message. Or send them text reminders throughout the day about your “appointment” that night.
Making time for sex lets your partner know that staying sexually connected is a priority. This can help to strengthen your sex life, and your overall intimacy in general.
4. Flirt With Each Other
This tip is, perhaps, the simplest one on this list. Because you can do it many times throughout the day—every day!
Remember when you first started dating? You would lavish each other with little compliments. Or you frequently made flirty, suggestive comments… Innuendos that kept the sizzle alive.
Don’t let that slip away just because you’ve been together for a long time.
Flirt with your partner regularly, and you’re both bound to get those butterflies again that fuel your attraction and your sex life.
5. Go Somewhere Else
While keeping your bedroom as a private, intimate space is a good idea, if your sex life has fizzled out because of “routine,” then don’t be afraid to switch it up!
Try getting frisky in different areas of your house. Guest bedroom or living room couch, anyone?
Or rent a hotel room or an airbnb for a night or two.
A change of scenery can get you out of a “rut” and help to reignite your spark.
6. Try Doing Something Different
In addition to changing where you go, it’s also a good idea to shake-up what you do in bed.
Talk to your partner about some of your sexual fantasies or secret desires. And invite them to share theirs with you. What are some new things you’d like to experiment with?
Discussing new things you’d like to both try can also help to get you both in the mood.
Once you have these desires out in the open, act on them! Switch up your routine. Including the things you typically do before and during sex.
7. Focus On the Basics
If you genuinely want your sex life to be great, you have to take a look at the core of your relationship.
Is there kindness, respect, loyalty, and trust? If you have disagreements, do you fight smart?
You can’t expect to have a sizzling sex life if your relationship is emotionally disconnected or in an unstable place.
So, focus on strengthening your overall closeness and happiness. Do this by being friendly, having fun together, talking about the important stuff, giving your partner a gift, and repairing quickly if you’ve hurt your partner’s feelings.
If your sex life has died down over the years and you want to get that spark back, don’t worry. It’s completely possible.
When you’re both on board, and you’re willing to try these 7 simple ways to heat up your sizzled-out sex life, chances are you’ll warm things up quickly.
However, if nothing you’ve tried is helping, or you’re not sure how to get back to having sex after a long dry spell, then marriage counseling may be what you need.