What’s the very best gift to give my partner, and not just for Valentine Day?
Well, a love letter of course. A heart-felt, descriptive, and vulnerable love letter infuses both the sender and receiver with the feelings of love, appreciation, understanding, and passion.
Obviously there’s no one way to write a love letter, but if you find yourself suffering from a little writer’s block, here’s an awesome blueprint for writing a love letter that rocks:
- Start with: “I love you, _______________!” Fill in the blank with your partner’s first name. This is the best way to begin a love letter. As humans we respond positively to hearing our name used in this loving way. It’s much more meaningful than, say, an endearing term.
- Then, tell your partner why you’re so happy that you met. Walk down memory lane and share a snippet of when you first knew that you were falling in love. Be very specific and descriptive: Where were you? What were you and your partner doing? How were you feeling? What was it about your partner that made you fall in love?
- Fast forward to now. Tell your partner what you love about them now. You could include what you love about their style, body, brain, how they communicate, their laughter, emotions, habits, personality traits, values, dreams, talents, how they relate to family and friends, and how they make you feel.
- Express gratitude. What are 3 specific things that your partner has done for you recently that you are grateful for? Tell them in detail about these things you appreciate and why.
- Share something vulnerable. Yes, take a risk. Open up about a private thought, memory, or experience that you’ve never shared. Remember, vulnerability grows intimacy. Then tell your partner “From now on, I’m going to tell you everything.”
- Stay vulnerable and tell your partner about your fears of losing them. Let your partner know, “I would be devastated if I lost you because…”
- Show support. Let your partner know that you support their dreams and that you have their back. Be specific about their dreams and passions. Remember, as humans when we feel deeply understood and supported we relax and feel safe. This helps grow a secure and happy relationship.
- Look to the future. Share your vision for the future of your relationship with your partner. What are your dreams for the two of you? What are you looking forward to? How do you wish things to be in 5, 10, 50 years?
- Commit to 3 things you will do on a consistent basis to improve your relationship with your partner. Share these 3 specific things you’ll do to put your relationship first.
- End your love letter with a declaration of your love and your commitment to always protect your partner and your relationship.
I think it’s a really nice touch to handwrite your love letter on beautiful, high quality paper, as this will be a letter to keep and treasure.
When you are ready to give this love letter to your partner, ask them to sit down by you in such a way that you can be facing each other. Then gaze into your partners eyes for at least 30 seconds. Take out the love letter, and read it to your partner. Read the letter slowly, and look into your partner’s eyes as much as you can.
Now you know the answer to “What’s the best gift to give my partner?” Have fun!
If for some reason you feel too distant from your partner to be able to write a love letter, you may need to seek out some marriage therapy. I’m a seasoned couples counselor in Denver and I can help you fall back in love.