You’re tired of being that hum-drum, unhappy couple that nobody likes to hang around. Unfortunately, you haven’t a clue about how to reverse your lack-of-relationship-bliss trajectory.
Today you’re in luck!
Because if you learn how happy couples behave differently from unhappy ones, you can become a happy couple if you want to.
You’ll be able to “copy and paste” the happy couple behaviors right into your relationship story. And like magic, when you change your actions your feelings will change, too.
I think of it as a wonderfully quirky law of nature: Feelings follow actions. The feelings don’t come first.
So, in this case, feeling happy as a couple follows acting like happy couples act.
Happy couples have discovered the formula that guarantees they’ll each feel safe and loved. And that’s what we all deeply long for…to feel safe and loved.
You and your partner can get to where you both feel safe and loved by agreeing to do the things that happy couples routinely do.
In no particular order, here’s how happy couples behave differently from unhappy ones.
- Hug several times a day (and hold it till they each relax)
- Accept that their partner is going to be a pain in the ass sometimes
- Always put their relationship first
- Laugh — a lot!
- Keep good boundaries with people outside their relationship
- Are one another’s best cheerleaders
- Indulge in a little PDA (both in public and in private)
- Talk to each other about anything and everything
- Spontaneously kiss when nobody’s watching
- Have their own insider jokes and movie quotes
- Put each other to bed at night
- Go on date night every week
- Take on the world (and problems) as a team
- Never, ever throw one another under the bus
- Tolerate their partner flirting…just a little
- Figure out how to fight fair
- Broker a win-win outcome on all decisions
- Play together…and not just in bed
- Tame their anger
- Keep their words and actions in alignment
- Accept that the’ll always disagree about a few things
- Talk about the hard stuff: money, spirituality, sex, in-laws
- Get good at reading body language
- Are proud to be seen together
- Apologize immediately, understanding that quick relief is golden
- Never blame or shame
- Remember they can’t read each other’s minds
- Look forward to hanging out together
- Know just how to soothe their partner
- Focus on the positive instead of the negative
- Use love and not threat or retaliation to resolve conflict
- Declare their commitment to one another
- Negotiate their sex life in a way that feels good to both
- Eat healthy food, exercise, and meditate together
- Spend time focusing on each other by ditching their digital devices
- Show empathy and compassion
- Celebrate special days with cards, gifts, or surprises
- Keep things fair
- Show up for the tough stuff: funerals, medical procedures, illness
- Frequently say or do things that make their partner feel special
Now that you know 40 ways that happy couples behave, I encourage you to infuse these habits into your own relationship. Try it for a month and see if you don’t feel happier.
If you find that you’re feeling entirely too hopeless about your relationship to even try to put these ideas into practice, then you probably need some professional help. A good couples counselor can help you save your relationship and be happy again. I’m a seasoned couples counselor in Denver and I can help you become a happy couple fast.