Are you and your spouse suffering from the new (or not so new) knowledge that your marriage has been severely fractured by an affair and you don’t know what to do next? If so, read on and consider coming to an intensive marriage counseling retreat with me.
- Did the secrecy and deceit cause as much damage and pain as the facts about what happened?
- Are you lying in bed at night, unable to fall asleep because of the fear (and sometimes rage) pulsing through your body?
- Ever wish you could push a rewind button, and do some things differently?
- Do you fear that the trust has been blown to smithereens, and may never be repaired?
- Feeling awkward about having sex with your partner, now?
- Are you making the mistake of blaming the betrayed spouse (whether that’s yourself or your partner)?
- Having trouble making sense of this chaotic mess and figuring out where to turn?
If you answered yes to several of those questions, I know that your relationship is in turmoil and that you’re in a boat-load of pain.
Affair discovery causes emotional upheaval for both of you
As you’ve discovered, one of the most difficult things about finding out about an affair (whether it’s an emotional or physical affair) is the state of emergency that your marriage is instantly thrown into.
That’s why getting effective and fast professional help is so important.
The Betrayed Partner
If you’re the betrayed partner, you’re probably experiencing excruciating hurt, lots of anger, anxiety, sleepless nights, disbelief, and profound insecurity.
Discovering that your beloved spouse has been lying (either outright or by omission) catapults you into questioning everything about them and about your relationship. You start wondering if everything was a lie. And that can be a little crazy-making, to say the least.
Your life as you’ve known it for so long is suddenly turned inside-out and upside-down.
And your mind starts obsessing and looping on things you’ve never even considered before. Like…
Why did this happen? What’s wrong with me? Is this my fault? Why didn’t I see it coming? I should have done… XYZ… and this never would have happened. I must not be good enough.
Every time you get caught in obsessive looping, your anxiety fires up. No wonder you feel tense and anxious most of the time.
If that’s happening to you right now, it will help if you take your focus off your looping thoughts and onto something else that’s not emotionally charged.
Try this: take a slow, deep breath. Then look to your far right and start naming 5 to 10 things that you see. What shapes do you see? Name the colors you’re noticing.
As you intentionally focus on these things, you’ll create a pattern-interrupt that will begin to lessen the tension and anxiety in your body.
The Unfaithful Partner
If you’re the one who stepped out of your marriage and into infidelity, I know you’re hurting, too.
Now that your partner discovered that you’re involved with someone else, you’re in the middle of an enormous emotional crisis. I know you never meant to hurt anybody.
But here you are. You’re spouse is in a world of pain, your affair partner is upset, and you’re hurting too.
Your sleep patterns aren’t so good right now, either. And you’re in a constant state of unease. Even though you feel some guilt and shame about what you did, you wish your partner would stop being so angry and upset.
You may be asking yourself over and over, how did I ever let this happen?
You’d probably like your spouse to stop bringing up the topic of your infidelity so often. And to show some understanding about how this is hard for you, too.
While a part of you is relieved that the cat’s out of the bag, another part of you misses the excitement and thrill of feeling more alive than you have in a long time.
And you may be really sad and missing the other person. In fact, if you’ve cut off contact with your affair partner, you’re probably grieving the loss of that connection.
Wondering if you’ll ever get back to being a happy couple, again. Considering whether it’s possible to fix your marriage? Or if you even want to?
Those are tough questions to answer when you’re alone in your thoughts. And they lead to difficult (if not impossible) conversations with your spouse.
Chances are that neither of you are in an emotional state to reach a solution on your own.
Whether you’re the unfaithful spouse or betrayed partner, I’m here to tell you that there really is hope for your relationship. As I like to say… you can borrow my hope if you need to.
Here’s the good news…
You can save your marriage after infidelity with an intensive marriage counseling retreat
Want to know how I’m so sure?
Well, it’s because I’ve helped dozens of couples reeling from the devastation of an affair. I helped them understand what happened and helped them repair what was broken during our one or two-day marriage intensive (aka: couples retreat in Denver).
Couples come from all over the world to work with me during an intensive marriage counseling retreat in my Denver office. Some couples come for a one-day marriage intensive. And many choose the option of a two-day couples counseling retreat.
I’ve also had the honor of helping many couples who live in Denver and other parts of Colorado in my Relationship Transformation Program. This is the most robust couples counseling program that I have. I designed it especially for couples dealing with biggies — such as an affair.
The hallmark of this unique method of couples counseling is that it starts with an all-day intensive marriage counseling retreat. The program also includes 6 follow-up 100-minute sessions, email support, homework exercises, and several bonus emergency phone calls.
The main advantage to doing an intensive marriage counseling retreat (versus typical couples counseling) is that you can get through the work that needs to be done to heal your marriage in record time.
In contrast, if you go to regular marriage counseling (where you meet with a counselor for 50 minutes once every week or two), just know that you’ll probably be in therapy for 6 months to a year.
By spending a full day or two with me focusing on your relationship, we will be able to create massive movement towards your goals in a very short amount of time.
Together, we will take huge steps in healing your wounds, understanding the dynamics that are causing problems, and making adjustments and agreement so that you can have a great marriage for the long haul.
I promise, you can save your marriage after infidelity.
If your marriage is broken and aching because of an affair, give me a call today to discuss the options of doing an intensive marriage counseling retreat with me.
We can set up a free initial consultation where the three of us will spend an hour together (either on a videoconference call or in my Denver office) to make sure that it’s a good fit. Let me help you get back to feeling secure and happy.