Reconnecting After Your Children Are Grown And Where To Start

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Wondering about reconnecting after your children are grown and where to start?  Renewing the intimacy in your marriage after the kids have grown up is challenging for most couples.

You’ve been focused on the kids and family for ages, and suddenly you are alone together for the first time in years. Feeling distant? It’s not unusual. One-on-one time may have been hard to come by as you were raising your children.  And as the years passed, you and your spouse may have stopped focusing on each other.

If you’re worried about what the future holds for you as a couple, I can tell you that there is hope.

With some commitment, a little work and more play, you can rekindle your love, reconnect on a deeper level, and perhaps find a sweetness together that you never could have imagined.

Think of this as another stage in the evolution of your relationship. Who you were when your dating morphed into who you were as a married couple.  Then your relationship changed again when you became parents, with all the stress and joy that goes along with the responsibility of raising children.

Now, you have arrived at yet another phase of your partnership. Even though your nest may be feeling empty, you finally have the chance to focus on rediscovering one another. Your goal is probably to reconnect with your spouse. You can do this by remembering the things that brought you together in the first place and by exploring new ways of sharing positive experiences as a couple.

Reconnecting In Marriage: Simple Steps Back To Intimacy

Reconnecting After Your Children Are Grown And Where To Start

There are many ways in which you can rebuild a deep connection and rekindle the love you sharewith your partner. Remember that the two of you have been together through some pretty incredible times. And don’t forget that, at its core, your relationship is built on love and mutuality.

Here are some simple techniques to help you rediscover each other at this new life stage.

Talk To Each Other

Remember how in the beginning of your relationship you talked about everything? Make it a priority to talk with your partner, again.

Talk about the day, talk about tomorrow, and talk about what you’ve each got going on. Converse about your relationship, the things you cherish, and the things you are grateful for. Then talk about the dreams for your future.

Re-affirm your commitment to each other by taking a deep and genuine interest in one other through conversation. In this way you will rediscover the friendship in your relationship.

Travel Or Take Time Off – Together

Plan a weekend getaway, or even a day-trip to discover nearby attractions. If you can’t get away, take several hours to go to a coffee shop, a park, or an art gallery together and unplug.  Put away the phones, turn off the television, ditch the mobile devices.  Say NO to distractions.

Focus on each other away from the day-to-day routine. Breaking out of your routines and choosing to have a laser focus on your partner is one of the best ways to create a new, rekindled spark.

Also, make it a habit to laugh and to amplify positive moments by savoring them together.

Find A Hobby To Do Together

Rediscover things that you both used to enjoy and explore new activities that you might have fun doing together.

You could:

  • play a round of golf together
  • join a hiking group
  • take a dance class
  • try an art class
  • sign up for a cooking class
  • go horseback riding
  • try kayaking
  • take your bikes for a spin
  • volunteer together in the community

Whatever hobby you end up with, make sure it is something you both have fun doing.

By stepping outside of your norm, you will infuse your relationship with new shared experiences, new ways of seeing each other, and new things to talk about.

Go On Dates

Be spontaneous! If your schedule is too erratic or hectic to allow for spontaneity, schedule your date nights in advance.

Making time for each other, uninterrupted, will open new doors to intimacy and help you rediscover what brought you together in the first place.

Be sure to take turns planning dates and coming up with fun ways of spending time together that you’ll both enjoy. Try to do something that allows for interaction and conversation.

Oh, and make an agreement not to talk about “problems” on your date. The idea is to have fun!

Go to Marriage Therapy

While the first year or so after the kids have left home might be sad and stressful, you are not without resources. Marriage Therapy can help you get through this challenging transition.  Couples counseling can give you the tools you need to be able to put your relationship first. And begin to see each other in a loving light once again.

Now that you know about reconnecting after your children are grown and where to start, I invite you to take some of these steps with your spouse.  If you find that you are stuck and need a little more help to move forward, give me a call.

For over 20 years I’ve been helping couples in Denver, CO find their way back to reconnecting. As a Marriage Therapist, I specialize in reconnection.  I can help you and your spouse feel deeply connected again. Contact me today for a free consultation.