A happy, healthy relationship doesn’t just happen. Sure, some couples seem to have it all, but in reality, every couple, has to work hard to have a good relationship.

The truth is, every person is different, so there is no one formula for the idyllic marriage. And in all honesty, ‘idyllic’ is not something you should expect: we are human, after all. Nobody is perfect. But hopefully your choice of partners is at least a great fit for you.

What’s their secret?

Even the happiest, most compatible couples go through trials and tribulations. But happy couples always manage to move beyond their problems with minimum damage and to feel love another day. Even though there isn’t a simple equation for happiness, putting your relationship first, repairing injuries quickly, and offering forgiveness are some of the most important keys to resolving conflict. Going a step further there is one thing you should tell your partner every day and it is not what you think.  This one thing will help you avoid conflict most of the time.

The Five Love Languages

Every couple is different. And individuals are different. It’s not uncommon for two people who love each other deeply to have opposite ways of expressing love and affection.

As author Gary Chapman has said, there are five basic ways that people prefer to receive and express love. Some people are very affectionate and place a great importance on physical touch, while others are uncomfortable sharing affection anywhere but in private. Some individuals enjoy giving and receiving gifts, while their partner may not place a high value on this type of expression of love. Some express love through acts of service, such as doing things around the house. Other people cite words of affirmation or shared quality time to be the most important ways of showing love.

Learning your partner’s style of giving and receiving love can help you feel closer. And, I believe that regardless of how far apart you may be from each other’s ideal love language, there is one thing you should tell your partner every day. Each day you can lovingly connect through one simple thing that your partner is sure to respond to: gratitude.

Two Words, Not Three

Being in a marriage or any committed relationship takes patience, love and respect. Staying together and thriving in your partnership is probably your ultimate goal. To get there, remember to pause frequently and notice how your partner improves your life.

Make sure your partner knows how important she is to you, every single day.  Be sure to  mentioning something he’s done that you are grateful for. Its more important than saying ‘I love you,’ ‘I miss you’, or even reminding him/her why you fell in love in the first place. By simply telling your partner ‘thank you’ for a specific thing at least once a day, you will increase the happiness in your relationship, no matter how different your preferred expression of love might be.

Now that you know the one thing you should tell your partner every day, go have amplify the positive feelings in your relationship with gratitude.

If you’re at a point in your relationship that you are struggling to find things you’re grateful for, you may need some professional help.  If that’s the case, give me a call at (719) 544-2016 for a free consult.  I’ll be happy to hear about your relationship and help you get back to being happy and grateful.

The post One Thing You Should Tell Your Partner Every Day And It Is Not What You Think appeared first on Lynda Spann.

What’s the very best gift to give my partner, and not just for Valentine Day? Well, a love letter of course. A heart-felt, descriptive, and vulnerable love letter infuses both the sender and receiver with the feelings of love, appreciation, understanding, and passion.

Obviously there’s no one way to write a love letter, but if you find yourself suffering from a little writer’s block, here’s an awesome blueprint for writing a love letter that rocks:

1. Start with: “I love you, _______________!” Fill in the blank with your partner’s first name. This is the best way to begin a love letter. As humans we respond positively to hearing our name used in this loving way. It’s much more meaningful than, say, an endearing term.

2. Then, tell your partner why you’re so happy that you met. Walk down memory lane and share a snippet of when you first knew that you were falling in love. Be very specific and descriptive: Where were you? What were you and your partner doing? How were you feeling? What was it about your partner that made you fall in love?

3. Fast forward to now. Tell your partner what you love about them now. You could include what you love about their style, body, brain, how they communicate, their laughter, emotions, habits, personality traits, values, dreams, talents, how they relate to family and friends, and how they make you feel.

4. Express gratitude. What are 3 specific things that your partner has done for you recently that you are grateful for? Tell them in detail about these things you appreciate and why.

5. Share something vulnerable. Yes, take a risk. Open up about a private thought, memory, or experience that you’ve never shared. Remember, vulnerability grows intimacy. Then tell your partner “From now on, I’m going to tell you everything.”

6. Stay vulnerable and tell your partner about your fears of losing them. Let your partner know, “I would be devastated if I lost you because…”

7. Show support. Let your partner know that you support their dreams and that you have their back. Be specific about their dreams and passions. Remember, as humans when we feel deeply understood and supported we relax and feel safe. This helps grow a secure and happy relationship.

8. Look to the future. Share your vision for the future of your relationship with your partner. What are your dreams for the two of you? What are you looking forward to? How do you wish things to be in 5, 10, 50 years?

9. Commit to 3 things you will do on a consistent basis to improve your relationship with your partner. Share these 3 specific things you’ll do to put your relationship first.

10. End your love letter with a declaration of your love and your commitment to always protect your partner and your relationship.

I think it’s a really nice touch to handwrite your love letter on beautiful, high quality paper, as this will be a letter to keep and treasure.  When you are ready to give this love letter to your partner, ask him/her to sit down by you in such a way that you can be facing each other.  Then gaze into your partners eyes for at least 30 seconds.  Take out the love letter, and read it to your partner.  Read the letter slowly, and look into your partner’s eyes as much as you can.

Now you know the answer to “What’s the best gift to give my partner?”  Have fun!

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